A new semester has started. I'm in a new room and yet it is the same one form last year that I once again have to myself. I really need to take a picture of it before it gets to messy. I set it up completely different, but I really like it. My RA told me during one of the room checks that it looks like two people live here and its true. I don't really think its because I have more stuff that last year, well not the spring semester. Its because I actually have the second bed made, lol.
I'm really liking my classes (for the most part) okay so I'm like Greek and BCB. I don't think Speech will be too bad but I still wish I could get out of it. On the bright side I'm getting it over with. I'm also taking Music Appreciation, it wouldn't be bad except these two classes are at 7:35. Ick. I'm also taking Spanish. The problem with it is the fact that the teacher pretty much teaches it for advanced students with a splash of review and I've never taken it in my life. It'll be okay I'll just have to teach myself like I planned on. Honestly I'd probably drop it but am keeping it for the wrong reasons. I was told by someone (in not so many words) that by taking Spanish, considering the way it's taught, as well as Greek (it's the hardest class taught by the hardest teacher on campus) that I would fail both. Now I will make myself pass both just to spite this certain someone. I fell badly about that but not enough to stop. *Sigh* Anyway Greek is A-ma-zing. I'm in love. I love foreign languages and I like the structure of the class and the teacher and that TA and the people in my class. Did I mention I'm in love and its a-ma-zing!!!? Well it is, lol. BCB is pretty good too. I've been questioning alot--okay everything I've ever believed about everything lately. And I think its been coming to head for awhile and ironically I can think my BCB for the combustion.
Basic Christian Beliefs how I love thee. Yeah...
So I know with my head that even as my head question the existence of God and all that follows my heart will never not believe. I think it would be too hard and scary to not believe. God is my reason for living. And I know for a fact that without God I would be dead. It's not one of those God saved me because of something I had not control over type of deals (which I am not trying to diminish in any way) but it is more of something I had control over. As in whether or not to end my own life. I only didn't some days because of my faith and fear of God.
However everything else I've realized how I've never even had a relationship even with God. He's always just been there. Someone I relied on the be there but kind of in the background. Kind of like a symbiotic relationship. I love God and get baptized and attend church, then God does things for me when I pray. That's not a relationship at all, that's a business deal. I just have to ask how did I not even know this. But it's true and it shames me. Until I read a book about pharisees for my BCB class I had no idea what was wrong with me even while knowing there was something...
I think I'm what I once heard phrased in my Wold Missions and Evangelism class a seeker. I believe in God and I believe what the bible tells me. But how I interpret the words and how I feel about things I've always heard growing up...I'm just not sure yet.
